Chapter 11 Evolutionists from Hell

Chapter 11

Evolutionists from Hell

As God stretched out the boundaries of the universe in all directions from the earth at the speed of light, Hell was pushed with them, remaining beyond the borders, in the Outer Darkness. Of course, our communication with them was still instantaneous.

They told us, “What do you mean, God ‘created’ plants only yesterday? Why, they have taken a billion years to evolve!”

Sarcamson shot back, “Do you measure one year as one orbit of the Earth around the Sun, or do you measure it by the number of orbits that I roll my eyes while you talk?”

We corrected him. Or at least we tried. “Sarcamson, you have to be more considerate. Can’t you see they’re living in a time warp? They’re so far away from God, that a day of watching God at work probably does seem like eternity to them.”

Sarcamson apologized to them. But the shallowness of his repentance was suggested by his eye rolling when they explained how God had not created the sphere of water out of which came the universe, but that it had sprung by itself out of a single point.

That’s right: they say God didn’t do any of this at all, but it all appeared on its own! To our incredulous requests of them to develop their scenario, they said the universe had been compacted within a tiny infinitesimally small point since God was a boy, held in its compacted state by tremendous forces of gravity! But finally it exploded, as a result of “forces we do not yet understand”, into the universe we see today! God had nothing to do with it, they say! All God did was take the credit!

Sarcamson asked them exactly where this point was located, so that we might watch it to see what surprises might pop out next.

“We don’t understand that, either”, they explained.

“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” he inquired.

To our astonishment that they could persuade themselves the entire universe could squeeze into a point, they said, “Well, it’s even easier to understand how the entire universe could be squeezed into a point, than something smaller, since there is so much more gravity in it to do the squeezing!”

Oh, well.

They have imaginative explanations for the formation of celestial bodies out of all this “globby soup”. They claim, for example, that stars formed from vast clouds of hydrogen when the gravitational pull of the hydrogen overcame its gas pressure, and the clouds collapsed into high density bodies. It doesn’t bother them that there is no way the gravity of a cloud of hydrogen could overcome its gas pressure. For some reason they won’t accept the original existence of huge bodies of water which compact easily.

Not to mention the fact that we watched God make those stars out of water, and they did too. Miracles occurred right before their eyes – so they closed their eyes and dreamed! But that’s what hell seems to be all about.

My friend Gandal stopped by. He had been hanging around Hell. I asked him the latest on the age of plants.

“300 million years, 2 hours, and 3 minutes.”

“How did they come up with so precise a figure?” I asked.

He said, “Well, when they told me the plants were 300 million years old, that was 2 hours and 3 minutes ago.”

Well, as I said, the farther one recedes from God, the faster time travels, but this is ridiculous! I mean, it is one thing to be infinitely restless, completely without peace, so that seconds seem like ages. It’s another thing to miscount the orbits of the Earth as having been billions, when it has not been one! They challenge not merely God. They challenge the established rules of addition and subtraction!

And that’s another thing. They are telling each other that the creation of the universe, which took place on the fourth day, supposedly took place over the past 15 billion years! That is, during the past 25 billion orbits of the earth around its sun!

We’re talking now the end of the fourth day, when the earth has not quite completed 1/365th of its orbit around its new Sun, and they actually allege 12 billion orbits have already been completed!

If you’re wondering why the number of billions changes every time it comes up, ask them! They’re not our figures! If they can come up with an explanation why they can’t repeat the same wild figure twice in a row, let me know what it is.

It is amazing to listen to their favorite “experts” pontificate on the age of the universe. One will offer his “documented proof” that it is 17 billion years old. All will agree. A minute later another will prove it is 7 billion years old. They will all agree that the earlier figure has been changed, and thus made even more accurate. The next will say it is 30 billion years old, and the rest will be so grateful to now have the truth.

But let someone step forward with some of the irrefutable evidence that it has been four days, and they will say that disagreeing with them is not “scientific”, but “is being religious”, and religion is “irrelevant” during scientific discussions. Evidence is “unscientific” if it disagrees with them. Good “science” requires censoring evidence that disagrees.

* * *

We have been watching with admiration the creativity of God in making so many cycles in the Universe that match the character of His Breath. (Or, as it is also called, His Spirit.)

We see electrons orbiting around nuclei, chlorophyll circulating within the bodies of plants, air and water circulating around the Earth, moons orbiting planets, planets orbiting suns, stars orbiting galaxies, and galaxies orbiting around the Earth. Yet for all the stability God has created in the universe, by making it out of the most stable material possible outside Himself – His Breath, the universe is so far from monotonous! Sunrises and sunsets, for example, could come one after another a million times in a row and never become boring, because every one looks different and beautiful! Why? Because God’s breaths themselves are never perfectly identical, although they are always essentially of the same components.

Why, just see nature’s perpetual dance! Sunrise, sunset! Winds whirling around continually, then returning whence they came! Rivers running into the sea perpetually, yet the sea never gets full, but God carries their waters back to whence rivers begin!

God has made all things full of…what would be a good word to describe it? Labor. That’s it. “Labor” is a good word. “Labor” seems to be, somehow, the essence of creation.

VerseScout: Ecclesiastes 1:8 All things are full of labour; man cannot utter it: the eye is not satisfied with seeing, nor the ear filled with hearing.

Day five Out of the particles God has created, He has now created living creatures even more intelligent than plants! He created fish, great and small, able to navigate the waters; and all manner of flying animals able to navigate the air!

Most miraculous of all, God created them with the ability to reproduce themselves!

But God didn’t just create a few of them and wait for them to reproduce until they filled the earth. God filled the earth with them instantly! God did not create a single blade of grass and wait years for it to multiply and cover the meadow, but He painted entire hillsides with its soothing green!

It would not even have been possible to create just one or two of each plant and animal, because they were so dependent upon others for their survival. For example, whales need the company of other whales: and not just one other whale, but entire pods of them, in order to be complete. How marvelous, and considerate of the needs of the smallest creature, is God’s creation!

VerseScout: Genesis 2:20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

VerseScout Relevance Report: Implied in this verse is that all the animals already had mates, and that none of the animals were a suitable mate for Adam.

What love, that not one of these, not the smallest of them, was created without its needs being provided!

But God did not completely fill the earth with plants, birds and fish. God left plenty of room for all of them to grow and multiply.

We watched the rest of our question of a couple of days ago being answered before our eyes. We watched birds eat berries which contained seeds, and we watched them leave their “droppings”, which still contained the live seeds, miles away from where the berries grew!

And God created flying insects, such as bees, to spread pollen on stamens in the course of producing a wonderful golden substance called “honey”.

When God solves a problem, the result is always, truly, sweet!

* * *

And now our fallen brothers are at it again! They say God didn’t create the plants, birds, and fish, but they “just evolved”.

When we asked what “evolve” means, they defined this word as “the chance creation of living things by dead elements randomly banging together for billions of years”!

“You mean,” we queried, “if you bang two rocks together long enough, they will turn into a fish?”

“Yes, yes!” They were so excited that we understood. “Or if lightning strikes water long enough! Doesn’t it make perfect sense? If you have lightning striking water for two or three billion years, why, can’t you see it’s just INEVITABLE that out of all those lighting strikes, one would hit just right to turn some of the water into a fish?”

“OK, let me double check something”, I once asked them. “If you were flying around and found an abandoned wing cover, would you assume an angel had flown by there, or would you assume some rocks had been banging together and evolved into a wing cover?”

“Obviously, that would prove an angel had flown by there.

But what’s your point?”

We found ourselves unable to even continue our conversation without some bold new strategy.

Remember that word we had to coin to describe the particular variety of “amazing” which Beelzebub had shown?

Well, that same variety of “amazing” was what we faced in this conversation.

But desperate curiosity drove us to want to continue the conversation as long as possible, to answer why such incredibly intelligent beings could believe such stupidity.

How could we do that? Not by yelling “that’s stupid” and flying away.

After a few angelic conferences, we came up with a strategy. We would use temporary deception. We would pretend to understand them, and agree with them long enough to keep the conversation going, while we probed their thinking, to see if we could find some flaw in it which we could expose to them, that they might be restored to the truth.

This was a controversial strategy, because it required deception, even if temporarily. There was the risk that the deception might become permanent, through our inability to explain our logic to them; after all, we had already failed to explain things even more basic.

But our purpose was to deliver them from their own deception, and to restore them to The Truth. To deliberately leave them in deception seemed less honest than trying to free them from deception. So we decided to take the risk.

We made up a new word for our strategy: “sarcasm”.

Here is a typical example of our sarcasm:

“Wow, I see what you mean about all that rock banging. And how animals evolved from plants, by, how did you say it? By banging rocks into plants? Or was it banging plants into each other?”

“Well, actually, they weren’t big rocks. Just little tiny ones, so little you can’t see them. You know, the atoms. They are just little rocks banging around all the time, and yet they make up the most complex living structures. So you can see how rock piles, banging into each other at the molecular level, might evolve by chance into a hill here, a mountain there, and if they bang around for enough billions of years, surely one of those bangs might produce the Sears Tower.”

“The what?”

“Oh, never mind. But the point is that all this banging around is already occurring at the molecular level, so it’s perfectly rational, and even to be expected, that a protozoa might one day evolve into a field of clover.”

“You’ve made it clearer than you can know. And now I see how yet another protozoa, the brother of the first, might bang around into a bumblebee.”

“Yes! Now I think you understand! Just exactly!”

“Not on the first bang, of course, but over billions of bangs.”

“Yes! Yes! Here, let me offer you a discount on a membership card to our fellowship!”

“How long is it good for? A year?”

“No, no! It is good for all eternity!”

“I’ll think about it. But meanwhile we are not saying, of course, that in any particular year, of the three billion, we might expect a protozoa to bang into a bumblebee.”

“Of course not. Only that, in any one of those billions, it will surely happen.”

“So we could never expect just the right bang at any given time. Like, we could not say ‘that protozoa has been banging around for four billion years already, which is the required number, which means that tomorrow will be the day it turns into a bumblebee.’”

“Oh, of course not. It might be tomorrow, or in another million years. And remember, the protozoa never evolves directly into a bumblebee. It goes through stages: first a dust mite, then into a flea, then a tick, then an ant, then a fly, and finally a bumblebee. And there might be a million more steps, each one taking thousands of years.”

“Oh, right. I forgot. I certainly never meant to insult your intelligence by suggesting you are so gullible as to believe a protozoa might turn into a bumblebee with a single bang.”

“Thank you. No, I am certainly not that gullible. I am fully aware the bumblebee has had to evolve for many years, just from a very similar insect, such as a wasp.”

“And meanwhile, the clover, and other pollinated flowers upon which the bumblebee feeds, have likewise been evolving for many years from similar flowers.

“We can all agree it would be absurd to imagine that a species could evolve into an entirely different species in a single week!”

“Yes, yes!”


“What? What’s wrong?”

“Oh no! I see a problem that I can’t figure out!”

“Surely not! What is it?”

“Look at these flowers that cannot live for even one season without the bumblebee, and without which the bumblebee could not live for even one week. Why, these flowers, and bumblebees, had to evolve the same week! But how could they, if the steps of evolution between their present forms, and their previous forms, were gradual?

“In other words, if their previous forms were dramatic, like if you can imagine the bumblebee was a grasshopper only last week, and the clover was a strawberry only last week, then you have the capacity to imagine how they have succeeded in evolving in time, before they both died. But if Evolution requires gradual changes over much longer periods of time, the two cannot logically exist! It almost seems easier to imagine that God created bumblebees and flowers a couple of days apart.”

“I see what you mean. Well, I guess we simply need to acknowledge the operation of Macro Evolution. It turns out that a species can evolve into an entirely different species in a single week, after all.”

“You mean call it the Theory of Revolution?”

“Good choice! Hey guys, listen to this! ‘The Theory of Revolution’! Isn’t that a great name?”

See what I mean? Sarcasm doesn’t work with these guys.

Day six — God created all kinds of animals on land! From tiny insects to giant dinosaurs!

Then we watched as small animals caught the last of the seeds we wondered about in their fur and carried them, again for miles, before releasing them!

We marveled at the capacity of plants to serve as food for animals; especially, of the dependence of so many animals on just one type of plant for nourishment, and at God’s incomprehensible scheduling in providing just those plants to just those animals just when they are needed!

* * *

But nothing astonished us more than the latest reports from Hell. Some of our “religious” fallen brothers are at least acknowledging God as creator of all creation, but saying each one of these “days” is really about a billion years! That is, not a billion years at the edge of the universe during a literal day on Earth, but a billion Earth years!

I know time is dragging for them, but….!

In other words, they’re saying the plants were created, and then a billion years later the sun was created! They have more faith than I do! I only have faith that God can do miracles. But they even have faith that plants can do miracles!

We said we would love to learn from them how plants lived for a billion years without the sun, but they were too busy to answer.

We offered to listen to their explanation of how pollen and seeds managed to transport themselves for billions of years without animals and insects, between “Day Three” and “Day Five”, but the only answer they gave us was smoke signals, which, unfortunately, we couldn’t decipher.

Nevertheless the smoke signals, independently of whatever meaning they may have carried, were interesting to watch. Cute little wisps of smoke they were, drifting out of their ears.

Chapter Twelve: Man!

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